A Pretty Little Thing Called Misconception

Hahahaha...I just pulled up my home page and that picture of that pissed off baby was staring at me...

Ok. Sorry!

Serious face on now.

So I've been thinking....scary, I know.

What started as 'picking' one Friday night on the way to the Prayer Room is now at the forefront of my thoughts... And has been for a while now. I've been mulling it over in my mind...turning it around...really putting some time into deciding how I feel about it and talking to Him about it some, trying to figure out how to get it out and be clear with it....thus the LONNNNNNG time since my last post.

I'm going to try to do my best to get it all out in a way that makes perfect sense...which with me, is sketchy at times, lol.

Here Goes!

We (Shane and Kristan and I) were joking about an older worship song that deals with the heart of worship...

(singing in epic early 2000's contemp worship voice) "When the music fades....and all is STRIPPED away..and I simply cooooommmme..."

I'm picking, but something hit a chord with me then and it still does.

Worship. The heart of worship. I don't believe many people REALLY know what they are singing about when thay sing that song...I don't think many people actually know what worship really is...let alone a HEART of worship.

For as long as Ive been a believer....and for as long as Ive been singing...one thing I know for sure about worship is that too many ppl think that music or singing is the be-all, end-all of the thing.

When you say, "we're headed to worship", one automatically sees a time of music in their mind's eye, but...really...biblically...its really much more than that...

Musicians are the worst about it.

Not because we are shallow, or because we believe that's all there is to worship, but because we are of the house of Levi and that's what we were made to do. It's our passion, so that's our default expression of worship.

There is nothing wrong with that, as long as we dont allow that to be our ONLY expression...which sadly is the case, alot...and not ONLY for musicians...although we can tend to be the more obvious ones.

"What bothers you?" You ask?  I'll tell you, thanks for asking.

Flying by the seat of our pants into "worship" after having absolutely NOTHING to do with Him all week long...except for Wednesday evenings, of course. We play or sing our little songs and get a few goosebumps(which are most likely caused by a sweaty shirt and the AC kicking on), hear a good word that we really dont have any intentions of applying to our lives(because we have matured past what preacher was teaching on..and it wasnt really FOR us), shake a few hands, hug a few necks, tell the preacher how awesome service was, and then get in our cars with our families and complain about what went wrong or what we didnt like, go home, say a rudimentary prayer with our families, and lay our heads down to rest...not really thinking of Him at all until the next service(when we must 'prepare our hearts for worship') OR until we need Him.

Wow....I'm sorry....that all just came out, didn't it?

Oh well, there it is, I guess... Might as well be transparent.

I mean, I'm guilty too! Well..not so much the complaining or not applying the word part...but, I've got six kids living at home, for crying out loud! And sometimes I DO cry outloud! haha!

I'm just going to be real, here. Let you in on another part of me.

There used to be days(early Malachi and pre Lily) that I would just disappear mentally...My body was here doing all it was supposed to do, but mentally? I had checked out. I didn't want conversation with ANYONE because it would mean that I had to actually think...Daddy included...

I would struggle to stay awake to read my Word at night...many times the hubster would find me literally drooling on my 'big ole honkin bible'...the sad thing? I had read MAYBE three sentences...each time.

SO! I tried to get up EARLIER to spend time with Him, but, if you are a parent you KNOW what I'm about to say....

Sleeping kiddos....?? Yeah. They have radar.

YES, THEY DO!!

It does NOT matter what time I get up (even tested this theory...got up at 3:30am...was as quiet as death and..) within MINUTES...SOMEBODY is finding Mama.

So, I tried listening to bible cds...nope. Got on my nerves...

Like for real.

All the sibling rivalry and picking and playing and questions and crying....add constant verbage to that?? I wanted to shoot myself.

So I really just gave up trying to have 'alone' time with Him and a part of me was so discouraged because I WANTED to be with Him, but I COULDNT.

It wasn't until I had revelation of what worship really was that I began to cut myself some slack and relax into His consuming passion.

For ppl like me, who have been raised in church, it's hard to break mindsets that you have been taught your entire life...Things like:

 "You HAVE to have a quiet time and read your bible if you are going to be close to God."

and

"You CAN'T be a worship leader unless you are close to God and have quiet times with Him.."

There are so many rules and laws and regulations and a ton of other religious ka-ka we are spoon fed (by well meaning, but misguided individuals), that, like me, if you can't live up to their interpretation of who God is and what He expects...well...you just feel like poop.

Then...I began to read in Exodus (Which some of you already know that I'm reading it again) about when God gave Moses the layout for the tabernacle...

Almost everytime God mentions something that is to be set apart or special, He says..."skillfully woven" or "the work of a skilled crasftsman"...

So I got to thinking about that some. Thennnnnnn in Exodus 31, I had an epiphany.

God told Moses that there were these two guys that He had "filled with the Spirit of God, with skill, ability, and knowledge in all kinds of crafts......and to engage in all kinds of craftsmanship" .....and "also, I have given skill to all the craftsmen to make all that I have commanded you."

Moses and those craftsmen had to OBEY His commands, right?

Then my mind jumped over to 1 Samuel 15 when Saul had disobeyed God and Samuel said, "to obey is better than sacrifice."

So follow me.

In those days, sacrifice was an act of worship, right?  So if God sees obedience as better than sacrifice, wouldnt that mean that our obedience is also an act of worship? And isnt obedience an act of the heart? A heart of obedience is a heart of worship...so obedience is then, the actual HEART of worship.

Was that unclear enough for you? Haha

So back to Exodus...If God put all those skills in those people to build his tabernacle as He commanded, the use of those gifts would be obedience, right? The use of those gifts would be worship right? He has put every skill in us for all kinds of craftsmanship for the purpose of building using a heart of worship...

Yall...that set me free.

God didn't want me to force myeslf to stay awake to read His Word simply so I could have my 'quiet time'. He wasnt disappointed when I was drooling after only three sentences...He saw my desire and He was touched.

God wasn't interested in me sneaking around in my ninja shoes trying not to wake the babies for the same precious 'quiet time' so I could be 'close to Him' and be a good leader. He saw my desire and He probably laughed at me.

He certainly was not into the fact that I was so bent on this mindset that it actually made me resent my children...His precious blessings to me...nope. Not at all. He saw my desire and He was saddened by my blindness.

He was good to just be near me and I had no idea.

Once I figured that out and once I figured out that worship wasnt JUST what happens in services, the pressure came off of my shoulders to perform and drive myself CRAZY over this fabled 'at least 30 minutes of quiet time' every day.

Once I realized that me...operating in what I was MADE to do..with a heart of obedience...

Be a wife(yes, ladies...fulfilling your man's desires is an act of worship, WOOT!).

Be a mom(in all it's snotty, poopy, puky, whiny, tickles, giggles, first loves,teenage drama- glory).

Be a writer.

Be a songwriter.

Be a musician.

Be a singer.

Be a teacher.

Be an encourager.

Be loving...be kind...be merciful...be forgiving...

That ALLLL of that was WORSHIP!...Because it's what He put in me (just like in Exodus) and it's what He has said I'm to do.

It's obedience to His design for me to operate in my crafts and because it's heart-felt and willful obedience...IT'S WORSHIP!! THE BEST KIND!! Infact HE likes it BETTER than some of the sacrifices we offer Him on Sunday and Wednesday...

The great thing about our Abba is that He does see the heart, just like He told Samuel when He chose David. 

Worship isn't music. Not at all.

It's so much more. It's literally WHO WE ARE... It's everything we are and how we approach it.

So...if you are a preacher...preach with all your might. It's worship.

If you are a teacher...teach with everything you have. It's worship.

If you're a parent...love with all of your being and raise them up right. It's worship.

If you're a football player...leave it all on the field. It's worship.

If you're a scientist...discover and prove and never give up. It's worship.

If you're a doctor or nurse...heal and mend and touch lives. It's worship.

If you're a janitor...clean with ferver and passion. It's worship.

If you drive a truck...roll on. It's worship.

Funny thing? Ever since that epiphany? It's comical how much time I spend with Him these days...

To the tune of a couple of hours...

Because, I have found that He's not trapped inside an ancient text...He's in me and I dont always HAVE to go to the bible to be with Him, although I do often.  I can feel Him right now, and my bible is across the table from me, lol.

I can hear Him.

He's saying, "My beloved, You enrapture my heart. Come now, love. It's past time to turn off that computer and go to bed. Your family will need you and it wont be Me who is responsible for your tiredness in a few hours."

Haha...Yes Sir. I hear You. And I love You, too...Always looking out for me....Good Night, Abba.