Flight of The Gypsy Bird

I sat outside this morning, on my spiritual mom's patio, with my Papa God waiting to hear from Him as to what He wants to speak to his kids this evening. He was quiet and so was I....just enjoying our time together in the silence.  Words are overrated at times.   Sometimes we just need to BE with Him... And thennnnn.....  Riley.  See, my "mama" has this dog. He's quite a character.  He's grumpy and a tad bossy, lol.  He's an opportunist. Do NOT leave your food close to the edge of the table...or unattended. PERIOD. He's a sneak and he's completely adorable in all his spoiled-rottenness.  He's Riley. And he taught me something.  On this morning, he insisted to come out with me, so I obliged him. (If you know Riley at all, you will know that, oblige or not, he tends to have his way, haha. ) I sat there, soaking in the cool morning breeze...loving the embrace of my Father, and I noticed Rile...

About 8 months ago, a dear friend prophesied over me that I would write 3 books and not to get distracted by the illustrations. I thought, "Ok. I've got 2 already in the works...but....I really....don't need illustrations..." And then she said, "And there are children's books too." Wait. I know I didn't hear that. I'm not a children's author. She must've heard wrong. The books I write are novels and blog-style...definitely not children's books and I CERTAINLY don't feel a pull in that direction....At all. But I know this woman....I know she hears from Papa.... So I chalked it up and put it, wrapped ever-so-neatly, onto the shelf in the back of my mind for another season. Then, in December, I was sitting in the recliner at our former house and one of the littles came through and said, "Mama can you tie my shoes? I been tryin' and tryin' and it's just too hard!" He was quite upset...

So...yeah. Captivity.  As believers...especially in a charismatic body...its a word that embodies negative things, right? I mean, when you think of 'captivity' you think of the Children of Israel in Egypt...or atleast I do...You think of addictions, chains, bondages, prison, slavery, etc.....See? Negative.  If you read my last blog, you know that Papa kinda rocked my world by just flat out atom-bombing a paradigm that most ppl who claim "charismatic" have.   Welp. He did it again. Read on.                  Wednesday night, before service (I play guitar for our youth service), I was walking the room and interceding (that would be ' praying'  for the non-church-i-fied) for the ppl who would come to the gathering that night...  Following is the dialogue that would wreck my sleep that night and every other night this week, so far...seeing as its 3:18am on Saturday morning.... ME-  ...

So...with our youth purity conference coming up, I've really been thinking a lot about "purity" as a topic.  Thinking a lot about how I can possibly come at this in a way that hasn't been dragged thru the proverbial gauntlet of religious ka-ka SO many times that it's absolutely wretched to this generation...and everyone else...so much so that teens avoid anything labeled "purity" and churches are afraid to touch it with a ten foot pole. I mean, this generation needs the message of sexual purity...for their LIVES sakes, these days...but you almost have to TRICK them with a gimmick or a NON purity related theme to get them to even THINK about coming to a seminar or conference talking about it... Then it dawned on me. What do we normally cram down their throats at theses well-meaning conferences? Granted, I've been at a couple really awesome ones (Pure Freedom[girls], Who Moved The Goal Post[guys]). Not talking about those, so cool your jets. I...

 Annnnnd it's been a minute... I know. Forgive me for having six kids living at home and allowing them to have a life OUTSIDE of my own. ;) Blogging has taken a backseat to life these days. Until the other day. Lemme just tell you. Watching your kids live their lives and watching their sibling squabbles and giggles can really slap you in the face with some pretty blinding "light bulb" moments. Like this one, for instance: Nacho and Lily were playing in the floor. FIRST, you need to understand that Nacho loves his sister...like luuuuuuuvs her...like...really really...really..........really loves his sister. So much so that she will scream at him to get off her. (She gets it honest) That being said, I was watching this moment in time as my 4 year old went from playing with his 1 year old sister to LOVING his 1 year old sister...with her 1 year old 'tude with a capital T...and her 1 year old backhand across the face.  He was trying so hard to ...

So, I had a moment the other day. A moment when I was faced with a conversation I never thought I would have. My husband told me something that led me to tell him that I was, indeed, hopelessly in love with another man. O_O The other night at IHOP Macon ( http://www.ihopmacon.org ), while I was pouring out my devotion on my Lover, God spoke to my husband. That evening on the way home, he said, "Nicki, God told me something tonight and I didn't know how to take it." I was intrigued. "What did He tell you??" "He told me that I am jealous...of...Him.." I sat silent in the car, waiting for him to go on. "He told me that I resented how intimate you are with Him because I want to be that close with you, but I feel like He's got all of you." I looked incredulously at him. "Really?? He told you that??" I couldnt wrap my mind around the gravity of what he was sharing with me. I was torn ...

Hypothetically...or Literally... At what cost am I willing to seek His face? At what cost am I willing to be obedient? At what cost am I willing to maintain a right relationship with Him? At what cost am I willing to follow biblical principle? At what cost will I let not even a  hint of falsehood be a part of my life or speech? At what cost am I willing to decide that no matter what anyone says to me, thinks about me, or does, that I will stubbornly honor those in leadership over me? At what cost am I willing to support when I dont understand the method or the direction? At what cost am I willing to love unconditionally in the face of a hoarde of flaming arrows? At what cost am I willing to press on no matter who comes with me? At what cost am I willing to 'be' and not just 'do'? At what cost am I willing to rebuke offense and embrace grace? At what cost am I willing to curb my flesh when it raises it's ugly head? At what cost am I will...

So.....yeah. I've been kinda quiet for a bit. Not really, but web-wise..well...you know what I mean. It's been a little on the nuts-ish side ever since Pop passed...Passing on that Wednesday, back and forth to Brooks to comfort "Momma", help sort and and find pictures and figure out all the details involved with an unexpected death on Thursday and Friday, nephew's first birthday party (at which I almost lost my cool and jumped a heffa...thank you JESUS for a little girl who KNOWS her momma..."Mommy? Come walk with me?"), Church on Sunday (which my Abba is so precious...had me scheduled to sing a song about peace and resting in his arms a month before Pop even passed... <3 ), Veiwing that night, Funeral on Monday, and somewhere in between, 5 out of 6 kids AND myself managed to pick up STREP (I had blisters and lacerations in my throat..ACK!) which pretty much wiped us out for the rest of that week and the beginning of the next....SHEESH!  O...

Yesterday began like normal. The usual 'double snooze', yawn and stretch, "Good Morning, Daddy...etc", wish I had gone to sleep earlier, roll out of bed-careful of new ink(tender tender...oosh), tip-toe into the girls room to wake Maddie Rose, get caught by two big blue eyes, cuddle a baby girl and get ALL kinds of squeezes(complete with precious grunts) and slobbery kisses(complete with new teeth..O_o), set out clothing for the oldest princess, open the door to the teenage sanctuary and flip on the stairwell light and tap the wall, "Tucker..."(wait for response) "Time to get up, dude." (wait until I hear the appropriate responding grunt), make my way to the kitchen with baby on the hip to make her bottle and then plop her on a pillow in the floor with it while I make my way into the little boys room,  and I as pass the Tweenager's cave, I flip on the light, tapping the wall, "Up and at-em, bud...let's go." Turn on the lig...