He Is Jealous For Me. Like Alot.

So, I had a moment the other day.

A moment when I was faced with a conversation I never thought I would have.

My husband told me something that led me to tell him that I was, indeed, hopelessly in love with another man.

O_O

The other night at IHOP Macon (http://www.ihopmacon.org), while I was pouring out my devotion on my Lover, God spoke to my husband.

That evening on the way home, he said, "Nicki, God told me something tonight and I didn't know how to take it."

I was intrigued.

"What did He tell you??"

"He told me that I am jealous...of...Him.."

I sat silent in the car, waiting for him to go on.

"He told me that I resented how intimate you are with Him because I want to be that close with you, but I feel like He's got all of you."

I looked incredulously at him. "Really?? He told you that??"

I couldnt wrap my mind around the gravity of what he was sharing with me. I was torn between elation that my love for the Lover was so deep and passionate that it was undeniable and caused this revelation and the concern that there was obviously something lacking in my own relationship with my hubster for him to feel that way. I prayed for the right words to say...but all I could think was, 'He's right... I AM closer to Him than to him.' 

I smiled softly and squeezed his hand, and told him the truth.

"Baby, you know that you are my life, but even as much as I love you, He will ALWAYS have all of my heart. I don't want you to be hurt by that, but that's the reality of it."

He smiled and said, "I don't want it any other way..."

Needless to say we had much conversation on the ride home that night and it was beautiful. Something I won't ever forget.

His revelation got me to thinking about alot...

Like, the parallel between my earthly lover and the Great Lover. There are alot of directions I could take this, but for the sake of time, follow me THIS way:

In the Prayer Room that night, and most every night that I lead a devotion set, Shane is right there. Either in the back of the room, pacing and praying, or sitting and basking in His presence, or just sitting and watching me...completely enraptured by the heart of his bride.

And MOST of the time, I'm completely oblivious to all of this. I mean, I catch glimpses of him periodically, lol, when I open my eyes and exit "the chamber" momentarily. But for the most part, I'm not really thinking about the fact that he's there and I don't really notice if and when he's watching me or participating...because my eyes and the eyes of my heart are turned in a different Direction. All of my devotion and attention is focused on capturing the heart of a King.

So he's there.

I know he's there.

But I'm not concerned with his presence there.

I blatantly adore another.

And he's there.

Watching the bride he is consumed with pour out the intimacy he longs for...on another.

And I'm oblivious...but I know he's there..and I'm okay with the fact that he's watching this.


Now, some of you may be all like, "Now wait a minute. This is God we are talking about. You're making this sound cheap and 'affair-like'..."

And some of you may even be a little offended by the 'intimate' way that I refer to Him...and that's okay. The Word says he's a Bridegroom who is returning for His Bride. I tend to take the Word pretty literally. If you dont relate that way, that's fine.

But hear me.

Like my own hubster in the Prayer Room, God is always there.

Those of us who are intimate with Him become accustomed to His presence and we are comfortable with Him. We 'know' He's there. This is not wrong. It's beautiful and amazing!

But what about the times when He's in the back of the room and we are so caught up in passion for another that we are oblivious to the fact that He is now watching...instead of participating in love.

Watching His Bride pour out her love on another...

This Bride who has captured His heart...

This Bride who has ruined Him with her adoration and her passion...

This Bride who has forever impacted His heart...

This Bride whose face drove Him to the cross out of sheer passion to forever hold her in His arms...

And she blatantly adores another...

While He watches...

Longing to be the recipient of that passion once again...

He is jealous for her.

I know it's strange to compare my "love sessions" with Jesus like this, but it really is a perfect example of how we treat the Lover of our souls on a daily basis.

We know He's there, but He's at the back of our thoughts. So far back there, that we are clueless that His eyes, that burn with love for us, are upon us. Watching us....Not to find fault, but simply because He is enraptured with us and He can't take His eyes off of us....

And what do we do? We prostitute our affections on other things and He has a ring-side seat to this event.

Oh the weight of this, Lover....My heart can not bear it!  I am weeping, sitting here typing this...

Forgive me, My precious Bridgeroom...

You alone are my heart's desire...

No other thing or distraction will take Your place in my chamber...OUR chamber...

I will lay me down with only You...