Flight of The Gypsy Bird

The baby grand. The single most desire of this little girl's grown up heart...And Jesus wants to give me one.   My love affair with the piano started when I was very young. My grandmother had a small one in her parlor and I remember closing myself into that room and playing random notes...trying my hardest to mimic the sounds that I could hear so loudly echoing in my heart. When other parents would have told their child to stop, because it was most definitely NOT lovely, haha, they allowed me to explore the endless possibilities of musical combinations and sharps, flats, naturals and accidentals that a piano keyboard holds. Unlike other a lot of other small children,  I rarely banged the keys.  It was more like...oh, I don't know...an unspoken respect that I felt for that instrument and I played it with an almost reverence. It was full of mystery for me and I remember spending hours in that room...just me and the sounds of exploration.  There was a genui...

So...yeah. Captivity.  As believers...especially in a charismatic body...its a word that embodies negative things, right? I mean, when you think of 'captivity' you think of the Children of Israel in Egypt...or atleast I do...You think of addictions, chains, bondages, prison, slavery, etc.....See? Negative.  If you read my last blog, you know that Papa kinda rocked my world by just flat out atom-bombing a paradigm that most ppl who claim "charismatic" have.   Welp. He did it again. Read on.                  Wednesday night, before service (I play guitar for our youth service), I was walking the room and interceding (that would be ' praying'  for the non-church-i-fied) for the ppl who would come to the gathering that night...  Following is the dialogue that would wreck my sleep that night and every other night this week, so far...seeing as its 3:18am on Saturday morning.... ME-  ...

As most of you know, I've been reading some pretty ridiculous literature written by Bethel Church's senior pastor, Bill Johnson. To say that the man is a revolutionary is just about as ridiculous as saying that a forest fire is just a eensy-weensy spark, lol. His perspective and revelations about the Face and Presence and Person of God have COMPLETELY changed my life and my relationship with the extreme Lover of my soul. Here are three of the culprits and catalysts for the destruction of everything I ever thought was right and good in my faith. In the latter book ^^ Hosting the Presence ^^, Bill asks a question about what kind of legacy we want to leave. I read that and instantly I was singing the Nichole Nordeman song "Legacy" I don't mind if you've got something nice to say about me And I enjoy an accolade like the rest And you can take my picture and hang it in a gallery Of all the "who's who's" and so-and-so's Th...

I was driving home from intercessory prayer this morning. "Jesus...I'm sorry, again, for pulling away from You, Friday...I was scared. I've never felt You so deeply before." He smiled. "The funny thing? You know I have been saying, 'Show me Your glory...even if it kills me...I want all of You.' and the FIRST time You even give me just a taste, I back away because it's too much." He chuckled. "I still want that, Lover." "No man can look upon My glory and live. I am an all consuming fire." I set my face and gripped the steering wheel...datgummit, I WILL see Your face. I smiled determinedly, "What a lovely way to burn." Ever wonder where the "Holy Laughter" some of these sweet little ladies have, comes from? Yeah. They got it from Him. 

So, I had a moment the other day. A moment when I was faced with a conversation I never thought I would have. My husband told me something that led me to tell him that I was, indeed, hopelessly in love with another man. O_O The other night at IHOP Macon ( http://www.ihopmacon.org ), while I was pouring out my devotion on my Lover, God spoke to my husband. That evening on the way home, he said, "Nicki, God told me something tonight and I didn't know how to take it." I was intrigued. "What did He tell you??" "He told me that I am jealous...of...Him.." I sat silent in the car, waiting for him to go on. "He told me that I resented how intimate you are with Him because I want to be that close with you, but I feel like He's got all of you." I looked incredulously at him. "Really?? He told you that??" I couldnt wrap my mind around the gravity of what he was sharing with me. I was torn ...