The Bloody Sheet

So...with our youth purity conference coming up, I've really been thinking a lot about "purity" as a topic.  Thinking a lot about how I can possibly come at this in a way that hasn't been dragged thru the proverbial gauntlet of religious ka-ka SO many times that it's absolutely wretched to this generation...and everyone else...so much so that teens avoid anything labeled "purity" and churches are afraid to touch it with a ten foot pole.

I mean, this generation needs the message of sexual purity...for their LIVES sakes, these days...but you almost have to TRICK them with a gimmick or a NON purity related theme to get them to even THINK about coming to a seminar or conference talking about it...

Then it dawned on me.

What do we normally cram down their throats at theses well-meaning conferences? Granted, I've been at a couple really awesome ones (Pure Freedom[girls], Who Moved The Goal Post[guys]). Not talking about those, so cool your jets. I'm speaking generally...broadly...about the church in America as a whole.

Our usual 'purity' talks usually consist of a list of rules that girls and guys must follow to be pure. Do's and don'ts, if you will, that if they follow them, they will be seen as 'pure' and ultimately will meet their prince or princess charming and all will be well.

In short? We set them up for failure and condemnation.

Now, before you start hurling your religiously indignant spears, let me clarify.

We can all agree that one can live 'physically' pure and still be completely and totally IM-pure.  Just because we teach them how to NOT be counted among the whores and man-whores, doesn't mean that their minds don't go there and dwell there.

Our slap on their 'physical' hands and all the statistics that we scare them to death with won't be in the front of her mind and heart when Daddy has abandoned her and Brandon is telling her that he loves her and will always be there for her...in the back of his car.

Look at the teen and college age pregnancy rate these days. Look at the statistics of STDs that are spreading. Look at the abortion rates among teens and college age young women. Even scarier? Look at the cases of cervical cancer in young women these days...staggering.

Obviously what we are 'teaching' them isn't working.

Want to know why?

Because we have been teaching them an upside down truth.

We are telling them to act pure, when they don't even understand what purity really is...Heck...most of us don't even know what it really is. We automatically attach a sexual label to it when, in reality, purity is by definition:

pu·ri·ty  

/ˈpyo͝oritē/

Noun Freedom from contamination. pure   /pyo͝or/ Adjective Not mixed or adulterated with any other substance or material. Now hear my heart in this, sexual purity is a vital aspect of a believer's life, but unless we address the REAL purity issue...physical, mental, emotional purity will always be a struggle and an open door for the enemy to enter with condemnation and guilt...and destruction.  Honestly, I think its been his plan all along...to distort the sex issue and the teaching of purity from the beginning. He attaches shame to it and God created sex to a BLESSING not the shameful thing that the church has turned it into.     In the Jewish culture, purity was celebrated. Weddings were family affairs and after the vows, there was no celebration until the marriage was consummated and the bloody sheet was thrown over the door. The blood on the sheet was proof that the bride was pure and at that point the celebration began in full swing, celebrating the union.   Haha, imagine being a kid at that party..."oh no...did they get in a fight??"  But my point is that it was a culture of purity. I imagine that sheet opened opportunities for conversations wedding, after wedding, and so sexual purity was just...normal...expected...celebrated.   Yeah. Not so much in this culture.   Why is sexual purity such a problem, now?   You know, I think back on the times in my life when I really struggled with it, myself, and I asked myself why it was so hard for me then, versus now.   Then, maybe it was Abba, maybe it was just revelation....I realized that I had no IDEA what real purity was.   "Yes, actually, I did..." I argued with my own revelation, "I went to the conferences...like a good girl." I mean, c'mon! I listened and took it all in. I was seriously fervent when I dedicated myself to purity, but it didn't seem to stick when I was "in the moment" even into the earlier years of my marriage.   Then, as I sat pondering all this, I realized that I knew exactly what sexual purity was, but REAL purity...the kind that stops all thoughts and temptations that are not beneficial or pure from becoming reality...I had no CLUE what that looked like. That's why I was constantly struggling with "purity" and constantly feeling like a failure and a disappointment to my God.   So I've been thinking.   Scary, right?   Where does sexual purity COME from? Then I'm reminded of my relationship with my husband and a time when I almost made a terrible mistake in regard to the purity of our relationship. I thought about what was happening in our relationship at that moment that would even make me vulnerable to be tempted like that.   When we first married...oh...there was NO WAY...no WAY anybody could ever catch my eye. I was SO in love and it was so EASY to be just his. I never even dreamed about doing anything that would hurt him...and if I was tempted, it got shut down immediately because I LOVED him so much it hurt and I couldn't destroy his heart, his trust in me, or what we had. He was everything to me second to God alone.   Then about 5 years into our marriage, he was working nights and I was working days at a nameless restaurant that specializes in wings and beautiful women in orange shorts. We never saw each other and when we did, it was in passing or he was sleeping. There was no real communication, no physical touch, no dates, no intimacy (feeling close)....just...the reality that we were married, but we lived separate lives.    Was I intentional about connecting with Him? No. I totally laid every bit of that responsibility on him. Had I been more intentional with connecting with him, I would've never even been tempted. But my lack of connection with his heart, caused me to waver in my own feelings toward my covenant with him...I was bombarded everyday with attention, adoration, and others opinions (who were not married and had no respect for our covenant) about what I should do and who I should be...and because I was not secure in my own identity or relationship with my husband, I almost made a grave mistake.   See, Our relationship with God is the same. At first, we are SO in love and there isn't much that we can be tempted with, but as time goes by, we lose that 'connection' feeling with Him and suddenly those things that weren't tempting before become more appealing...especially when there are those in your life who have little or no respect for your relationship with Him and are constantly feeding you lies about who you SHOULD be as opposed to who He says you are....   His.   It is in those dangerous places that we find our sexual purity being tested and we find ourselves falling into sexual death....We aren't 'in love' any more and so we aren't as concerned about hurting Him...or at least we don't think we are until it happens.    I think about where I am now with Christ as opposed to then, and I think about how things come at me left and right. Its inevitable that I'm going to get hit hard, what with the platform that He has placed me on, but you know something? I'm not even tempted that much anymore...You know why?   Its so easy to obey when you're in love.    I filter every decision I make thru Him...Will this hurt my Beloved? Will this damage the intimacy that we share? Will this affect the sweetness of His presence when I enter in...the precious way He draws near even when I don't ask him to? If the answer to ANY of those is "yes". Then my answer is a resounding "NO."   Why?   Because "You are not defined by the temptations you resist, you are defined by the virtues you embrace."     I want this generation to be the ones who see His face and the word says this,   "Who may ascend the mountain of the Lord? Who may stand in His holy place? He who has clean hands and a pure heart, who does not lift up his soul to an idol or swear by what is false. He will receive blessing from the Lord and vindication from God his Savior. Such is the generation of those who seek Him, who seek Your face, O God of Jacob."  Ps 24:3-6   If we are in love....if our hearts are pure...if we are in an intimate relationship with Him, our sexual purity will be overflow of our relationship with Him. It happens naturally. Maybe if teaching sexual purity isn't working....and newsflash...it isn't. Maybe, just maybe we should be teaching about falling in Love with Him...about having a relationship with Him and then teen pregnancies just might not be an issue anymore...stds just might not be an issue anymore...AIDS could possibly  no longer be the threat that it is...young women wouldn't be dying of cervical cancer...couples would be able to have children instead of dealing with sterility because of decisions made years before in the heat of the moment...   It's so easy to say "no" when you are in love...