ChugChugChug-Diggidah-Diggidah-DOMMMMMMMM

Must. Have. Metalllllllllll.

AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

So....Daddy has been working on me about letting people into my life...thus the blog.

But I have this habit of letting ppl into what's going on in our lives, but not letting them in to MY life.

SO! I'm going to let you all in on "me"....well, kinda....hey, it's a process, ok? 

I'm letting you in on something I've been dealing with...may not be big to any of you out there, but to me? This is hugonic.

Annnnnd here it is:

I love music. I love metal. I love classical. I love jazz. I love gospel. I love reggae. I love blues. I love punk rock. I love ska. I love hardcore. I love contemporary chrisitan....get the picture?

I love music...all of it.

And I'm gifted in most of it....and it wouldnt take much study for me to be gifted in all.

For a while, I've been craving a little more than what I'm operating in and it's been really difficult.  

I miss my band..I know that may seem abit random from where you thought I was going with all this, but it really all fits...I think...anywho.

I miss rocking people's faces together. I miss THEM.

I know, you may have seen me post about it on facebook, so it may not be "news" to you, but you have to understand that for 3 years, these guys were a major part of our lives...ahem...of MY life.

Practices two, sometimes three times a week...regular shows and road trips...We were ALWAYS together. And if we weren't practicing or writing, we were just chilling together because we enjoyed each other.  I used to cook dinner for all of us and it was like Thanksgiving at least once a week. When we finished practice, the guys would just jam...sometimes facemelting stuff...sometimes soulful melodic art.

They were brothers to my kiddos and my kids are rock kids...like for real.  Everyone of them has been raised in and around heavy metal...and every other kind of music...to the extent that at one point, if I wanted them to go to sleep, I had to crank the music...haha...and I always knew that practice nights were the only nights when I didnt have to fight them to go to sleep, lol.

I miss my guys.

Really bad.

And just as much as I miss them, I miss our music...our unique style...A collision of metal, hardcore, experimental, pop, and rock.

Even as ROCKIN as our 'House' is, for THIS metal head....hahahaha...Yeah, I dont have blue hair and dress like a 5 yr old for nothing. I ADORE metal...the louder...the dirtier...the BETTER! Lol, I dont think any church could ever satisfy this chickie's need for distortion, hahaha! 

Now, there are those who know this metal side of me...and some have even criticized it...and me.

You know the one...the screaming(I'm still working on the highs, but THIS girl can straight BEAST a low, WOOT!)...the gang vocals...the sick distortion...the face-melting leads...the heart-stopping bass drops...the wicked breakdowns...and the double-kick...

Oh yes...

MmmHmmmm....that's my jam.

Then there are those of you who know the party-praise side of me...

You know...the throw myself around the stage like a fool...jump until I drop from sheer exhaustion...dance like an epileptic(no offense to those who suffer from this disease <3)...shout until I'm hoarse...smacking anyone who happens to be in the path of my flailing arms and legs..

Haha...sorry Rae...didnt see you there....

And...Kristan...sorry I fell all over you...

TOTALLY didnt see that step-down..

Then there are those of you who know the chain-breaking side of me...

You know...the desperate pleas, in song, for a lost generation...the falling to my knees from the weight of their pain...the falling prostrate from the weight of His Glory...the pouring out of everything that's in me for the sake of a lost, hurting people...

I had a pic to go here, but it was uber cheesy..sooo, yeah. No.

And yet, there are those of you who know the 'deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep, prophetic, desperately lost in the Chambers' worship side of me...

You know...the 'sit at the piano and just sing what's on my heart'...the 'dialogue of passion that transpires between the Bridegroom and His Bride'...the 'consecration of a desperate heart'...the 'start as a well known song and turn into a spontaneous love song' kinda thing...

Oh. 

How I love that BrideGroom.

Not surpisingly, there are a very few of you who have had the opportunity to see ALL of these sides of me.

So here I am:

I listen to my 'metal' and it makes something POWERFUL rise up in me.

I listen to my 'party-praise' and it makes something JOYFUL and VICTORIOUS rise up in me.

I listen to my 'chain breaking worship' and it makes something DESPERATE rise up in me.

I listen to my 'deep-in-the-chambers' and it makes something PASSIONATE rise up in me.

I crave a marriage of these....

like soooo bad.... 

The skraight NASTY distortion, the epic breakdowns, the wild dancing and spinning, the exhuberant jumping, the evangelistic message and magnetism, the liberating declarations, the deep prophetic, the passionate love, the groanings of a desperate heart...the real, physical touch of The Uncreated One....

Its not too much to ask, right?

Yet, at this moment...I'm waiting.

I have poured all of this out on my Abba..

Sometimes begging...sometimes demanding...sometimes crying...sometimes pouting...sometimes hopeless...sometimes discouraged and confused...

But nowtimes...trusting.

There's a purpose...although I cant see it or understand it, right now. 

There's a reason life happened and my beastie bandies and I have gone our own ways.

There's a reason that I currently share the stage with the most precious ppl in a ridiculously free and rockin 'house'.

There's a reason that I am being stretched in my musical ability by playing electric for our youth AND now our main Sunday service.

and I still have a mild heart-attack every Wednesday...and MAJOR one everytime I think about playing in front of our Bishop...

Lol...I swear, the man can unsettle the rock of Gibraltar with his piercing eyes, haha! That, and he's a spiritual dad to me and I want him to be proud of me, crazy huh??

There's a reason that I'm leading a devotional set at (to me) an iconic house of levites on a keyboard that scares the heck outta me.

There's a reason that I'm writing more powerful songs than I ever have before. (thanks to the most UHmazing bestfrannie :D)

There's a reason that I've been stretched so far out of 

my area of comfort

...like SO far out of it...

SHEESH!

And the human in me sits back and says, "Self? You know there's a reason for all of this...I wonder what this is going to look like...what is He up to..??" 

And then the same human starts picturing all the things that COULD happen and starts making assumptions and suggestions to the Almighty One...

So, I die to my human side...everday...

On purpose.  

I close my ears to the possibilities and I lose myself in the adventure of the 'not knowing'.

If I never experience the marriage of my anointings...

If I never again minister to anyone other than my husband, my children, and my 'House'...

If I never set foot on a stage again...

If I never touch another guitar...

If I never pick up another microphone...

If I never utter another melody...

If I never write another psalm or song...

He holds my calling.

He holds my dreams.

He holds my hopes.

He holds my passion.

He holds my anointings.

He holds ME.

And I trust Him.

Do what You will, Wild Goose.

I'm up for the chase.