The "Modifier"...Oh Good Lord, REALLY?!

I can't think of a better description for the last 5 weeks of my life other than...Complete hell.

Well, at first it was.

Now that I'm in a rhythm, it's actually getting to the point that I am remembering why I loved working out 5 years ago...But it took a minute, lol.

As I was dying the other day, I happened to look up at the screen of my computer where my workout for the day was in progress. I was sweating and grunting and almost crying from pushing through each round of torturous exercises and my eyes landed on "The Modifier". 

You know that one....That one person in the group of badasses who is a little fluffier than the rest. The one who does a different exercise than the rest and lifts different weights than the rest. The one that makes it ok to be complacent with your workout program and commitment to yourself.

I know, I know. They are there for those who, like me, were and are not at the fitness level to completely go all in with the exercises that are presented in each work out.  At first, I was IN LOVE with "The Modifier" because she was fluffy like me and I could feel like I had worked out because I kept moving instead of stopping altogether...Sometimes...Lol. But As I grew stronger and pushed myself to actually try the real exercises and as I felt the pain of that effort for days afterward, I began to resent "The Modifier".

Yesterday afternoon was an active recovery day for the program I am involved in. We did Pilates and, don't let anyone ever tell you that any mat class is easy. Lawd, no.

AnyWHO!

I was butt deep in leg raises and such and I happened to look at "The Modifier" and her "exercise".  I was disgusted. I was like, "What the hell? Is that even a leg raise?? What IS that?? Seriously?!" And then she was like, "Oh, I can feel the burn!"

"What?! You feel the burn? How do you feel the burn when you don't even have your leg lifted off the ground at all?? You're barely doing the move at all!! Just enough to say that you've done it."

I found myself yelling at the screen and venting to Shane as we were literally moaning through gritted teeth to finish that God-awful leg series. Lol. Poor man.

Then tonight, as I was forcing my triceps to do work with a heavier weight, the trainer on the DVD went to "The Modifier" to check her form.  We were pumping our heavy weights with both arms simultaneously while "The Modifier" was "pumping" one arm at a time with weights that were lighter than the 'light-weights' I began the program with.  I never noticed this before...and tonight? Well, It pissed me off.

When "The Modifier" made the statement, "You gotta do the work!" and "Oh, I'm feelin' it!" and "I'm definitely gonna feel this tomorrow!" I was mortified at the hypocrisy and stopped mid-pump and yelled at the screen...as if she could hear me.

"You're gonna feel it tomorrow?! You have, what? TWO POUNDS and you are doing ONE arm at a FREAKING TIME! You aren't even feeling it NOW!!"

Shane was like, "Haha, Nicki...You have to let this go..."

To which I shot him a look that said, "Tell me you don't agree that this is ridiculous...", huffed and heaved my weights back into motion as my weary triceps screamed until the interval was finished...Rolling my eyes every time the trainer mentioned "The Modifier."

Please hear me. I totally get the modifier. I'm not bashing the idea of "The Modifier"...IDK, maybe I am? ANYWHO. This person is there for those who have physical restraints and I know that some people get discouraged. Having the token, fluffy exercise-cheater on screen helps to keep people from quitting, but honestly, I think that this is a lot of our problem in this culture.

Even from the beginning of the program I'm doing, I tried to actually do the REAL exercises and after a few reps, would drop back to what "The Modifier" was doing. I was heavier than I have been in my life and was SO out of shape. I couldn't reach my toes in a sitting stretch...not because I was so tight, but because my stomach was in the way.  I was thankful for "The Modifier" because she helped me feel ok about not pushing myself.  If the real work began to burn too much, I knew I had an escape and I could still say that I had worked out.

Some where around week 2.5 or 3, I was like...Why am I not seeing the results like this program claims?? I'm following the meal plan, like a freaking Nazi...I'mdoing the workouts every stinking day...

Then one day,  the trainer said, "If you want something you've never had, you have to do something you've never done."

It sparked something and I began to process. I've had a tight, healthy body before. I know what it takes...Then one of the people working out on the DVD said, "There's no magic pill."  To which the trainer agreed and said, "You gotta do the work."

Then I listened as she introduced a man who was killing himself with high-knees and she asked  him how much weight he had lost since the few weeks he had been on her program, to which he replied between gasps "Thirty" gasp "Five" gasp "Pounds!"

He was sweating and working so hard, and here I was "modifying".

Ouch.

It was then that I realized that "modification" is not always beneficial.

Then Papa started talking to me about "Modifying".

I love when He challenges me. 

How many of us look for "The Modifier" in our lives from the very beginning? We get motivated to take steps in a certain direction and then we see what it will actually take and then, "NOPE!" We tell ourselves we can't DO that, and we settle for a lesser form of what it truly takes to get the results we desire. Then, we are confused and frustrated as to why we aren't progressing as fast as we should be, if at all.

I remember a time about a year ago, when I started a different program but didn't have the meal plan to go with it.  I have done this before...like I used to actually be a trainer of sorts, so I assumed that I knew all I needed to know and could do it without the actual plan. YeeeahhhhhNO.

Two weeks in to having my hind parts soundly kicked with ZERO results...like AT. ALL. I was like, "Bump this.", and I quit.

One thing my trainer says is that you have to do the work  physically AND do the work in the kitchen.  It takes discipline in BOTH areas to see results.  Some people do the work and can't say no in the kitchen and some are super disciplined with what they eat and barely do the workouts. It takes discipline to say no to chocolate...Especially when one (Who shall remain unnamed...COUGH...me...) is PMS-ing and has vivid dreams of relishing a big...glorious...velvety...piece of chocolate cake....all crumbled up and mixed in with homemade vanilla ice cream...(SELF! NO! STOP!)

  It takes discipline to schedule in a 30 minute ass-kick when you've worked all day, done homework until supper, haven't seen the kids all day and they are crawling and climbing all over you with a thousand questions that all begin with "Mama!", and you haven't had a moment to breathe...Sometimes we have worked out at 11:30pm and midnight, simply because being consistent is not innate...it's a decision...and a rarity, these days, I'm convinced.

I said all of that to say this: Consistency and initiative are somehow being lost in this generation...A generation where we get trophies because we tried and where we have an escape if an exercise is too difficult.  Where we rationalize "cheat days" and applaud those who don't finish.

Ouch...Did I just say that outloud?? Lol, I'm feeling a little sassy tonight!

In Hebrews 12:1 it says, "Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,"

You know? When I first started this program, I REFUSED to let anyone workout with me or even be in the room with me.  Why? Because I was mortally embarrassed, that's why!!  It was ugly.  I couldn't breathe, I was out of shape, and all my juicy flopping e'rwhere?? No. Thank. YOU. Nuh-uh.  I didn't want any one to witness that mess...ANNNND, if I'm being honest? I would've had to work harder with an audience...And I flat out didn't want judgment or feeling like I had to perform. There was zero accountability.   I could "modify" all I wanted and no one would know.

But you know? The writer of Hebrews has a way of slapping that laziness right outta fool.  "Hey, You! Since you are surrounded by a ton of people watching you, why don't we just drop the facade and get our asses in gear and stick with this thing...All the way through. No modifying or quitting allowed. " The NHV (Nicki Harris Version, for those who don't know, HA!)

Run with endurance. This verse haunted me. I wasn't doing anything with endurance by doing the easy thing.  I wasn't building endurance.  My trainer said, "Strength doesn't come from doing what you can already do.  Strength comes from doing what you couldn't do before."

It finally clicked and it was then that I began to push myself every session to do more, to lift more, to hang in longer,  to push my body beyond what my mind said it could do and believe in the machine that it was created to be.  I worked, and I worked hard. Instead of starting with "The Modifier", I started with the real exercise. I pushed my muscles to failure and when they did, THEN and ONLY then did I drop back to "The Modifier"...but only for a few seconds and then right back to it, I went.  I found myself getting stronger, able to go longer, able to lift more and ultimately losing weight.

In life, we MUST start with the end in mind.  Paul says in 1 Corinthians 9:24-27:

  "Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win. Everyone who competes in the games exercises self-control in all things They then do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. Therefore I run in such a way, as not without aim; I box in such a way, as not beating the air;but I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that, after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified."

We MUST operate with discipline and tenacity. We MUST push ourselves beyond what we are comfortable with...Beyond what we feel we are capable of if we are to be taken seriously as individuals and as believers.

I look at the American church and I see a fat, lazy, bride who is waiting for someone to motivate her into motion...Constantly modifying ...Seeing just enough results to satisfy, and claiming that she is something she is not...which is healthy.   I also see a turn in the tide. I see a generation of those who are rising up and refusing to accept a lazy gospel. Those who have seen it's powerless, toxic effects, and have determined that there is a race to run and souls to be won. Those who have decided that modification is not beneficial and have begun to do something they've never done before...To grow and trust that they can do what Jesus said they could do in John 14:12.  Those who will do this until they fail and then get up and do it more, knowing that with every failure, more strength comes. Those who refuse to settle with "Just Enough". Those who refuse to be known as "The Modifier."

You know?  I'm kinda done with being the cookie-cutter, sweet , pristine example of what a "Christian" is "supposed" to be.  I think that's one "modification" that I'm saying good-bye to.  It's exhausting and makes me COMPLETELY irrelevant to the culture that I work in and the people that I do life with. I cuss a little, when the point I'm making needs emphasis, and I'm just done with religious ka-ka. (See? I didn't cuss just then, when I could've said shit...oops.)

SO! Run, guys. Run hard and fast. I'm running with you. 

PS. I think we care more about some things than Jesus ever did or does.

PSS.  I love Scuppernong wine...Thank you, Jesus, that it counts as a fruit in my meal plan. You really do love me. 

PSSS.  I have discovered that I have no sympathy or patience with people...women especially...who tell me that they can't change their lives.  Yes, you can.  If THIS juicy can do it, so can you.  Stop being lazy and quit yer whining.

Ok. Think I've made enough enemies, shocked enough grannies, and exhausted my rant...Maybe I can workout now and NOT yell at the screen...Until the ab workout and then, so help me, I can't be responsible for what comes out of my mouth when I see "The Modifier" in THAT one.  Jesus help. That is NOT a flutter kick.