Pain is Weakness Leaving the Body...Errmm...Can I just stay Weak??

Hahahaha!

Ya'll. This picture was so me the other day. HAHAHAHA! Went down for a "Surrender" and just about surrendered for REAL. This is why I'm always in the FRONT when I work out with my TV or my computer...So people who work out with me only see the back of my head and not the "Oh sh$#, I can't get up!" face. HAHA! Too much real, right here. Hahaha!

So, about 6 weeks ago, I started reclaiming my life and my health. I had my eating plan all mapped out and I was so motivated through the first workout.  I weighed more than I ever have in my life and my health was scary. I'm asthmatic and diabetes runs in my family and I was well on my way to heart issues.  My first workout in 2 years was an ugly one, but I completed it...Even if I did cheat a little. 

It felt SO good to be active...until.

About 20 minutes after I had finished the work out, my entire body began to get this tingly-numb feeling...my muscles felt like they were going to sleep and, from past experience in the fitness world, I knew this was an evil foreboding of what was to come...(shudder)

By the time bedtime rolled around, every single muscle in my body was tightening up...but not sore...yet.  All night, I was awakened by these tight muscles reminding me of the abuse I had submitted them to. By morning, I was exhausted from little sleep and I can not begin to tell you the amount of pain that encased my body like a vice.

I tried to sit up, like normal, and nope. Hot fire shot through my neck, shoulders, lats, and abs.

"Sweet Lord...What have I done...? I can't MOVE!"

Momentary irrational freakout. 

"Roll over...I can roll..." I reasoned with myself.

Gingerly, I attempted rolling onto my side to roll myself off the bed.  No success.  The slow approach wasn't working...SO! With a colossal grunt, I heaved myself onto my side and succesfully landed myself, with a yelp and a thud, into the floor.  Apparently the side of my bed was against me and moved about 6 inches inward during the process.

Cursed memory foam.

I found myself in a pile in the floor and there was no way to remedy this situation without using this pitiful pile of body that was vehemently protesting every movement.  I placed my arms strategically, heaved myself onto my hands and knees, unable to control the yelps and cries coming from somewhere deep within, and clung desperately to the side table and the bed to pull myself onto my legs and then to standing.

I stood there sweating, electric shocks rippling through every part of my body wondering how the hell  I was supposed to function?!

Cue the spawn.

My bedroom door burst open and the two littlest come bounding in.

"Mama! Whats for breakfast?!

"Mama! Can I pick?!" (They take turns choosing shows on a streaming service we use)

"Mama! I didn't pee on myself!"

"Mama! Malachi woke me up...And I didn't want him to."

"Mama! Lily took my book..."

"That was MY book! You took it from me!!...Mama, doesn't Malachi need his medicine??"

Lol...Bless. I guess she had had enough of his exuberant, argumentative, energetic, triggered self...

I stood there and stared at these little monsters that think I hung the moon and it occurred to me that I had to actually adult in this condition.

"Sweet Lamb of God."

They looked at me in momentary confusion and then trailed after me as I stiffly moved into the bathroom. They hung with me, never missing a beat,  while I moaned and leaned over the sink to spit out toothpaste. They tried to follow me as I made my way into what I call the 'toilet closet'. They sat outside the closed door, firing question after question as I pressed my hands against the walls, walking myself down in a effort to lower myself  onto the toilet without actually using my legs.

And the fitness peeps say, "PREACH!"

Once down there, I was struck by the bleak realization that I had to get back up...And I decided that I was camping on the john all day.

"Mama?" a small voice came under the door. I could see the shadow of a little head...

"Yes, baby."

"Are you okay?  I'm hungry..."

Big sigh. "Yes, baby. I'm coming out, now..."

Life doesn't stop just because I don't want to move.


You know? Most times, as long as you keep moving, the pain seems to ease a little...Most times...

It wasn't that way for me, this time.  It was horrible....and the worst part?? I HAD TO WORK OUT AGAIN THAT DAY!

HORROR!

How is this POSSIBLE?!

I don't know if it was strength from heaven or just outright stubbornness and determination, but I worked out. It was UGLY, but I worked out...And I was in TWICE as much pain the next morning.

This was my experience the entire first week and by the end of the week, I think my body was actually in shock...like for real. I had cold chills and was physically sick to my stomach.  I popped ibuprofen during the day in order to function with some trace of normalcy, and in order to sleep at night, I took one of my son's low dose pain pills.

I remember thinking, "This is ridiculous. I don't remember EVER feeling like this...please, God...Let this get better...I can't live like this..."

I know, I know...That was a wimp's cry, but Y'ALL! I was sho nuff HURTIN. 

Then during yoga day...Praise the LAMB for yoga day...A memory from about 5 years before flitted across my mind.

Back then I was addicted to working out and being healthy, so I did many programs. In one of them, the trainer said something that was my mantra that keep me going when I wanted to give up.

As I was stretching pissed off muscles, Papa reminded me of this quote:  

"Pain is just weakness leaving the body." 

"Well, I must be pretty damn weak, Papa! This is torture!!"

"Shhhh, Beloved...Breathe and sink deeper...Deeper into the stretch and deeper into Me..."

 With every twinge, tingle, and deeper stretch that almost took my breath, I would repeat..."Pain is weakness leaving my body..." 

Then He began to show me the similarities between the body of Christ and my own body.

Our bodies are made prophetically...meaning that we not only mirror our Creator, but we are a physical representation...even manifestation of the Bride of Christ.  A visual aid, if you will.

We become complacent and lazy, as a body, and we become susceptible to the issues of past generations. It's easier to lie back and drink a bottle than it is to actually prepare a nutritious, healthy meal that will nourish and sustain us. Proverbs talks about this..and the writer is pretty harsh.

"A sluggard buries his hand in the dish; he will not even bring it back to his mouth!" - Prov 19:24

That is the epitome of laziness...but then...isn't drinking a bottle of baby formula when you are an adult just as lazy? Can't you just see that??

I can. The mental imagery is hilarious and ludicrous, yet if this is so unacceptable in the physical, why do we coddle and enable this laziness in the spiritual?   If this were to happen in the natural, the mental stability of that person would be drawn into question and they would be evaluated and placed in therapy to help them move from that state of mind into another.  Why is it that, when this behavior manifests in the body of Christ, we pamper and coddle people...we refill their bottles with the elementary truths? When they receive something a little more meaty...something that actually requires action on their part...actually requires them to work their muscles in new ways, leading to soreness...they buck and throw a fit...like spoiled babies and we cater to every whine and whimper.   Sadly...many babies find themselves in leadership positions and we end up with a house full of brats who have no idea how to walk, nor do they have the strength.

Hebrews says in 5:11 - 14, "We have much to say about this, but it is hard to explain because you are slow to learn. In fact, thought by this time, you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God's word all over again. You need milk, not solid food! Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, IS NOT AQUAINTED WITH THE TEACHING ABOUT RIGHTEOUSNESS.  But solid food is for the mature, who BY CONSTANT USE have TRAINED THEMSELVES to distinguish good from evil."

I didn't like the change in my meal plan. Hated it actually. I love carbs. Pasta, bread, potatoes...YES, PLEASE! I love fats. Cheese, BUTTER, real...full-of-fat...yogurt. I love sugar...and chocolate. BUT! I knew and I know that, if I want to change my life and my health, I have to change my intake.  I need food that requires thought and preparation.  I was used to just responding to my hunger with anything that sounded good...anything that i could shove down in a few bites to satisfy the hunger. 

We do that spiritually. We feed our souls what is convenient instead of what is healthy. If it takes more than 5 minutes, we are like, "Nah...just give me the 5 minute 'Please and Thank You' and I'm good. The lovely gift of hunger that He gave us is appeased for the moment and we can feel like we have fed our spirits and done our duty. 

The thing that I'm noticing is that our bodies are machines.  They are really phenomenal, actually. But even the most advanced machinery needs to be maintained for longevity.  I can see such a huge difference in the way my "machine" runs, even after just six weeks.  I don't get tired as much. My feet and ankles are not swelling.  I can breathe easier.  My thoughts are clearer. My emotions are more regulated. I have ENERGY.

The same goes for what we feed our spirits. Eventually, the human body needs more than formula. As we grow, our bodies require more protein and fiber and vitamins and minerals in order to function and grow properly, without defect.  Why, then, are we ok with staying on formula? I think it has alot to do with laziness.  Its easy to go to church and sit on a pew or in a chair and listen to someone teach.  We want our pastors to tell us what to do, to put a propeller on our backs and wind us up and send us off.  We run out of steam and then come back for them to repeat the process. But guys...this isnt even close to biblical.

Paul told Timothy to "fan into flame the gift of God within you..."(Read all of this...2 Timothy 1:3-7)  He goes on to say that we've not been given a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and self discipline. 

Funny thing about self discipline...it means literally to discipline YOURSELF.  It's not the job of your accountability partner, not your pastor, not your spouse...Jes you. You, wonderful, you.

The last part of Hebrews 5:14 really just slams the hell out of rationalizing complacency. "...who by constant use have trained themselves..." 

Excuse me? Who trained who? They trained themselves.

I recently had a person contact me in regard to "helping me to achieve my fitness goals."  While I understand this line of thought, it bugged me.  I am my own worst nightmare. I am a crazy woman about my meal plan and a drill sergeant about my workouts.  I am diligent because I don't want the hell that I'm putting my body through to be for nothing.  I have a desired outcome and I'm the only one who can get me there, and I'm willing to pay the price everyday...because it means that much to me.

Once I got through that God AWFUL first week, my muscles began to adjust to the punishment.  I began to settle in and actually enjoy the work outs and then my trainer said this, "If at any point this begins to feel easy for you, that's when you push harder and increase your weight. That's where your results are." 

UGH. What if I don't WANT to?? What if I LIKE enjoying the work out...What if I LIKE being able to move without serious backlash from pissed off muscles?? What if I just modify...

What if I never reach my goals because I was too lazy to push myself? What if I never progress past where I am because I'm ok with good enough? What if I never fully achieve what I set out to accomplish because I don't want to be uncomfortable...and sometimes in excrutiating pain?  What if I never see the fullness of God in my life because I'm unwilling to discipline myself and I depend on others to feed me? What if I spend my life weak and infantile, resenting those around me who have chosen to discipline themselves and move into the mature arenas while I'm left fussing in my crib, demanding attention?

Pain is weakness leaving the body. 

Every day I'm growing stronger and the absence of muscular pain means that I need to push a little harder.  Muscles that arent used become useless...I look around and see a lot of "Love" muscles that need some working out...But that's just an observation.

Pain is weakness leaving the body.

Sometimes pain is a sign that something is very wrong...And sometimes pain is a sign that something is very right.