Mom, Mom, Mum, Mum, Mommy...Shoot Me Now.

Today, I'm thinking about this afternoon when I'll trapped in the car with my kids who have been cooped up in a classroom all day with no permission to speak freely. 

I'm thinking about how many times I will hear "Momma!" or "Mommy?" or "Mom, Look...Mom!" 

And can I be honest? My skin starts to crawl a little.  From the time I get the first child in the car at 2:30pm to the time we get home after picking up the Senior from Cross Country practice at 4:00pm, I will have been fielding non-stop "Mom!" questions for a solid hour and a half...With no break.

See, I have 5 kids at home now, so when one inquisitive mind is satisfied, another thinks of something they want to know...and most times, they are so lost in their own quest for the ultimate knowledge that they demand my attention before I'm even done answering the first one....I need coffee...or wine...just thinking about it is giving this hermit-ish mama anxiety...

Its so bad, some days, that I just can not take another, "Mom!" and I will say, with hard-fought-for control and fleeting patience:

"No more, "Mama". I'm not "Mama" anymore. Do not call me that again...be creative and think of another name to call me. I will answer to the one I think is most creative....ANYTHING but "Mama" or any derivitive of "Mama". "  

I have been "Purple Pansy". 

I have been "Coffee Turtle".

I have been "Daisy Petunia".

I have been "Puppy Farter".

Hey...It works, haha. 
 
So I'm thinking about all this and then this pretty amazing question pops into my noggin:

"Papa...is that why You have so many names??" 

I could feel His laughter echo through my Spirit. 

We sat comfortably, chuckling every few seconds together about the images that were running though my mind.  I love time like this with Him. He let the moment linger a little longer and then He asked me,  

"Do you know all of My names?" 

I was thoughtful for a moment.  

"No. I don't. I know you by the names that I have called upon...But I don't know all of them...some are kinda hard to say, honestly, haha."

"Would you like to know Me a little better?" 

I'm still sitting with this question. 

Would I like to know Him better?  Well, duh.  

But I know that His invitations are multi-faceted.  I know that to know Him as something means that we walk through the experiences to gain that revelation of His identity. 

I do want to know Him better and my heart is wrapped up in the fact that He invites me to this...I love Him so...but fear is a real thing.  I've been through so much...I don't know if I want to know the circumstances that will lead me to the knowledge of Him in every identity...But something draws me...

Like a magnet and a moth to a flame...It's almost irresistible...

Like, even though it means the laying down of my comforts and security...I kinda DO want to know Him better. I want to trust Him more. I want to love Him well.   In my experience, when He has beckoned me in such ways, it has been hard as hell and I've lost relationships and truth has illuminated deceptions in my own mind and in the hearts of others.  I've wept for days and weeks over betrayals and realization that I was believing men and leadership...honoring them instead of honoring God...But at the end of it, He has always given me much more than I lost...Opened doors to understanding and revelation, and He's always been enough through it all.

So, yeah, Papa. 

Maybe I do want to know you better. 

I think I might put the internet to good use researching who You are instead of being mindless because my brain is overstimulated on a regular basis. 

God, help me. I think I really am going to do this. 

I apologize in advance for any rants that come as a result of my intention to find out just Who He is in every arena of life. 

Here we GO! 

First Identity to discover:  Jehovah Tsidkenu

How the hell do you even PRONOUNCE that?!