Jillian Michaels, who?Holy Spirit is like...Sheesh.
Run. He said to run.
So I ran.
No so far the first time, and He was mostly quiet.
But the more I was obedient to His command, the more chatty He became. The more He took on the role of physical trainer.
The more He began to show me the correlation between my physical actions and what was happening..or would happen..in the spiritual.
Take last night for instance:
See, two days before, my 8 year old daughter had this amazing idea that it would be 'fun' to do yoga together..just us two...mother and daughter..
First of all, yoga is not now...nor ever WILL be fun.
Ever.
So like I was saying, mother and daughter yoga.
..yeah..
That didn't happen.
Little stinker pooped out on me FIVE MINUTES into it and laid in the floor on her yoga mat, giggling at the unnatural contortions I was forcing my screaming body into.
X_x
Entywho. Fast forward.
I was NOT feeling the run last night, but He said to run.
So I ran.
He warmed me up with a few stretches and some power walking and then we got into the work out.
"Okay, Holy Spirit, what are doing tonight?"
"Run" came the answer.
"Okay, I'll run." And I picked up the speed to a decent pace and ran...and ran...and ran...
And He was silent.
"Oh...Kay...Pa..Pa...when..can...I...slow...down..?", I panted.
"Not yet."
"Okay."
And I ran.
And He was silent.
And I ran.
And He was silent.
And I ran.
My lungs were on fire and even with my training in controlling my breathing, it was getting pretty tight in there.
At this point, in training with a human, one could rationalize reasons to quit...i.e. :
"They don't know my asthmatic history...so this could actually be dangerous for me."
"They don't know that I can't breathe right now..."
"If I pretend to pass out RIGHT HERE, I could totally catch a few breaths before I get discovered and get my butt kicked again."
But HOW do you rationalize that stuff with the one who created your body and knows it better than you do??
You're exactly right.
You can't.
That nagging little epiphany hit me pretty hard right at that moment, and so I pressed on, no excuses.
As soon as that decision was made in my mind, I heard Him.
"Good! You can do it! Keep going! You're almost there! You've got this, girl!"
MAN! It was like steak and taters after a fast to hear Him encourage me like that. I was so tired. So incredibly tired. It had been a LOONNNNNNG day and all I REALLY want to do was go home and curl up with my java, my stud-hubs, and my Bible...but I didn't.
"Know what?? I CAN do this!" I set my face like flint (probably looked more like a grimace) and pushed on until I heard Him whisper,
"...and coast."
I slowed to a slow jog and then a fast walk.
"You must trust Me to lead you and set your pace. I know you intricately, what you can handle, what is too much and what is not enough. I also know when you are to arrive on specific platforms. Your timely arrival depends solely upon your willingness to hear Me and run when I say run, and in your stamina to run as long as I tell you to run. You don't have to hear Me telling you what to do with every step, child. Just run. I see your struggle and your determination and when you feel like giving up, I will believe in you to finish. I will encourage you to finish. Will you believe in you? Will you heed the encouragement? Will you finish?"
I soaked that in.
So many things He is teaching me with this running thing....
Pace affects arrival as does endurance to maintain that pace.
Wow.
Do I believe in me?...
Wow.
"Now sprint."
I was kind of expecting that, so I chuckled and took a deep breath and "girded up my loins" and took off.
Honestly I was expecting to do longer sprints and had JUST stretched out my gait as I passed a streetlight and He said,
"Coast."
"Well, ok then." I slowed to a jog.
I was waiting for Him to drop some revelational nugget in my spirit as He has been prone to do during our training times recently, but....no.
I passed the next street light.
"Sprint."
And I took off.
"Coast."
And I jogged.
We repeated this quite a few more times and in the distance I could see two men jogging on the track a head of me. The more times He had me sprinting, the closer and closer I got to them. I was praying that I wouldn't have to sprint past them...oh dear GOD how awful would THAT be?? 2 years of lazy flopping and shaking at high speeds past these two runners...who looked like they knew what they were doing...
0_0
Just...no.
But of course, just as we (Holy Spirit and I) were jogging about 10 feet from them, the dreaded word came.
"Sprint."
Inwardly, I whimpered. After so many sprints on these out-of-shape legs o'mine...my poor hams were jelly and in that moment, I had a choice. I could continue to jog past them at a decent pace...like I had never heard that hateful word, breathing hard but not struggling, to a 'safer' distance and then start my sprint...
OR
I could throw it into high gear right there and leave those two intruders dazed and confused in my jiggly, huffing-puffing, and COMPLETELY undignified dust.
I bit the bullet, swallowed my pride, and hefted this self into high speed. I ran a little farther than He said to run and my breathing technique went right out the window....Yall, I wanted some DISTANCE between me and that humiliation.
"You have to be ok with running your race in front of others."
Still a little foggy from lack of oxygen and over-exertion, I didn't quite understand what He meant, at first, and I interrupted Him.
"But I don't understand why it matters WHERE I sprint, as long as I sprint, Papa, why did I have to do that..run in front of them...that was embarrassing and uncomfortable for them to see me like that..I know I don't know them..." I ranted, somewhat put out with Him, "...but still! Why can't I just sprint where it's just you and me....?"
And then it struck me what He was actually saying....
"Ohhhh....." I was silent and let Him finish.
"You have to be ok with running your race in front of others...And you must go hard, with everything you have, spending yourself and pushing beyond your comfort...even your own ability. What you perceive as embarrassing and uncomfortable is motivational and life changing for others. Just run. There will be times when we will run alone...we will train alone...you will sprint for Me and Me alone, but Daughter, You will and must run in a public arena and it's not for pleasure. You MUST run as if their very lives depended on it...for they do. Just run."
I was silent and had slowed to a fast walk. We walked together in silence for a while...me just soaking in His nearness and He just loving me. After a bit He broke the silence,
"Why don't we pick up the pace a bit?"
I chuckled, "Okay."
And I picked up an easy pace and just coasted.
"This is easier now."
I smiled. Yes indeed it was. It was even...dare-I-say-it?...Pleasant. This pace that, at first, had my lungs DYING, was now one I could keep up for a long time...and I was prepared to do it.
And then.
"Take off your glasses."
NOT what I was expecting.
"What?! Why?! I can't see if I do that!"
"Yes, you can. You can see enough to keep your course. Just take them off."
"Alright..."
I, somewhat nervously, took off my glasses and folded them up into my palm and ran almost blind.
When I say blind, I mean,
This.
Girl.
Is.
Blind.
He was right, though.
I could see the track...
Just not clearly.
Woah.
Wow.
Papa God, I will run. I will run as long as You say to run. I will build my endurance and I will believe in myself. I will push myself beyond my natural limits whenEVER you say to do it...no matter WHO is watching. I will run blind. I will trust You.
I DO trust You.
I'm loving this season I'm in with Him. When I say that He is training me, it means SO much more....That word "training" just holds fathoms more depth that I ever knew it possibly could and I am so glad that I chose to be obedient, in spite of my laziness and complacency, that very first time that still small voice simply said,
"Run."
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