Not The Brightest Light In The Tool Shed

So I had a moment. 

I recently attended a school of healing ministry and during a moment when I probably should've been paying closer attention, I was off in my little happy place just...soaking... in the tangible Presence.  In a ballroom filled with almost 1000 perfectly good, relatively comfy chairs, I had found myself a nice, secluded, little corner and had parked my hind parts unceremoniously on the floor. 

If I could've disappeared completely, I would have. 

Bridget (my fellow sojourner in this particular education in the areas of effective flakiness), later laughed and said that she looked over during worship and noticed that she couldn't see me anymore...and then I just appeared from behind the heavy wall curtain that the hotel staff had pushed back into my corner. 

Haha. Yep. 

I love people...like I LOVEEEEE people....

But I don't like people. 

Don't like crowds. Don't like to socialize. 

Makes me nervous...and edgy. 

Give me solitude any day. 

AnyWHO!

I was somewhere between listening and dreaming, when Papa startled me with:

"Look at the chandelier."

I opened my eyes and glanced up at the massive crystal creation suspended over the heads of about 50 of us. 

"Ok. I'm looking at it." 

His request just didn't compute...so I must admit that when I looked up at that hulking collection of glass, that I was a tad bit of a brat.

Just a tad. 

Thankfully He is NOT me and is ultimately patient.

"What do you see?" He asked me.

I was now REALLY looking at this thing....trying to figure out what He wanted me to see or to say....but all I saw was, 

"Crystals...and light. I see...points..?"

I was trying to notice anything and everything that could be of significance.

"I see the support and the extension rod....?" (which at that moment, I decided that it was very skinny and not quite big enough to satisfy my being okay with sitting under that thing....Thankfully I wasn't. 

I finally concluded with, "It's pretty."

I could almost hear the "mhm...now you're getting it" and the swish as He nodded His head.

"So are My people. They are pretty, but they, like this chandelier are an artificial light source...and they are symmetrically perfect."

I looked at this chandelier again with new found interest. 

"And they are dusty." He continued.

"hmm,,,,"

"From lack of movement." 

My heart constricted.

"They are too perfect to move...and quite expensive.  If they move around too much, their thin support system would not bear up under the weight of their perfection and they would fall to the ground and everything that makes them beautiful would shatter....and so they sit. Perfect, dusty, content to be an object of admiration."

What could I say to that?? I had been guilty of that too!!

OHDEARGOD! Tears began to slip out of the corners of my eyes as I gazed fixatedly upon that chandelier....I'm sure people who happened to take notice probably thought I was a little strange...sitting in the corner...rocking back and forth...gazing up into a chandelier...crying and repenting...

Wait. 

I was at a conference with people flakier than me.

 Scratch that. 

They were probably to destroyed on their own to even notice the chick camped out in the back corner of the room. 

"They are useless outside of the church," He continued. "They have no power in the world. My lost sheep have no use for pretty, hanging objects of beauty that provide no warmth." 

By this time, I was dutifully convicted, wrecked, and just short of a full on ugly-cry. I prepared myself for His next words. I repented before He could even speak it. I almost wailed out loud, my guilt and my fervent promise to get off my pedestal...to detach myself from the artificial source and connect to the real Flame. I promised to bring warmth to the lost and hopeless....

Again...had I not been at this particular conference...people...well, they would be sure that I had backslidden and was coming back home. 

But no amount of snottin' and repentin' could have prepared my heart for the destruction that was coming when He actually spoke.

In the middle of my almost rant, He said, "You are not one of these..."

"And Papa, I PROMISE that I will do better.." sniff, cough, sniff, sniff. "Wait...what?...."

"You, daughter, are a candle with a real flame that can not be extinguished...."

My body began to tremble as much as my lips were.

"..You are a light that I have ignited and one that I will use to ignite others who will break the back of the powers of darkness. You will bring peace, comfort, joy, warmth, and child-like belief and faith."

I gulped for air as the reality of His precious praise washed over me. The God of all creation was praising ME. Who am I?? WHO. AM. I. that He would honor ME with HIS praise...?? 

I was definitely not the brightest light in the toolshed by any means, but BY GOD! I was a light!!And my Papa said I was REAL!!

It was time for full on ugly cry. 

And I didn't even care.